Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
