Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
