Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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