and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize