Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
