In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
