if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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