She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Randomize
