onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
