Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
