I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
