good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
He uses pillows to masturbate.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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