I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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