I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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