he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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