I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I can text with my tongue
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize