Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
