I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
