She is in my trunk
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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