I must be too annoying 4 u.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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