I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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