I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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