I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
