i jhust puked up my retainher.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
