So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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