I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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