Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
