The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
