I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
