I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
