stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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