he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
