The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
