i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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