We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
