508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
