So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
