I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
