do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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