If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
