Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
