Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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