..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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