I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Randomize
