The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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