I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
