this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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