As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
too bad you live with your parents still
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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