The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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