Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
