Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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