I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize