i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
