I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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