i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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