yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
