I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
