cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
