I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
