I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize