if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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