Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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