When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize