Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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