It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
