Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
