I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
