i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
