bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize