guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
