I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Man, jail baloney is awful.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
